What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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