Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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