I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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