I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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