no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.