So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...