Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.