i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me