So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation