she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
