i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.