I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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