I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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