I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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