just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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