It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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