Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize