Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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