i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.