just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.