hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today