The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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