was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize