youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
