I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize