dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
