I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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