You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.