No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.