i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.