I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?