I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
