I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im six kinds of drunk right now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
