Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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