Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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