i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
false alarm, still single
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize