Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
