I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My sheets look like a crime scene.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
