bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
