and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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