A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.