My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im six kinds of drunk right now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a blind-side dick pic.