I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!