I'm gonna have a badass scar
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.