Soap is not a condiment
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I sprained my soul last night
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.