I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now