We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
