You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
