My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
