No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize