Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
