Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
