:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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