One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
