**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
