I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
