its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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