marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
