Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize