Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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