I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize