No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
