I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
