maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
