just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.