Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.