I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.