im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.