all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff