i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.